i've never been the golden child nor have i been the one to go with the flow. i mean, the piercings and tattoos don't flow down the river so smoothly in my house and i've never been one to let my parents control the decisions that are important to me. i wouldn't quite call myself a "rebel" for i try and make things as smooth as possible, but i'm one to stand up for what i believe in.
so here i am in 2009, baltimore, 20 years old, easter sunday. i worked late last night but i still couldn't sleep. i got 5 hours of restless sleep before alecks pulled the blankets off me in the bitchiest way possible to say "wake up." oh! and don't forget turning on the light that sits beside the twin bed i've been sleeping on since i've been home. i check my "easter basket" which alecks encourages me is very important. it consists of chocolate, $40 and chapstick. i don't eat chocolate and the $40 is for "new pants" because my parents don't like super skinny jeans and tell me that my "muffin top" makes me "look fatter." oh how i love my family. so then i use the first opportunity possible to crawl back in bed to where i'd remained until almost 3 o'clock. when i finally go back upstairs, the house looks completely different, there's food everywhere and my step father looks like he needs a cigarette or a knife and an electrical socket. i set the table and prepare for another terribly uncomfortable holiday dinner.
this dinner consisted of "what would you do if alecks was smoking pot?" "what would you do if alecks got kicked out of school?" "what would you do if alecks got caught stealing from the dollar store?" and then the occasional glares and some bus chucking. "you should read the swear words lauren texts her friends!" and then some "i rubbed my ham on that!"
all in all, it wasn't the worst holiday dinner but aren't holidays supposed to be joyful? i don't believe i've had a "joyful" holiday since i've moved to maryland, my freshman year. christmas is always "aww thanks for the new camera, mom!" "that camera cost more than you're worth! you better never break it or bring it to school or let anyone borrow it!" or the shitty laptop i was promised for graduation that i recieved on my 19th birthday as both my birthday and graduation present! and my favorite was BY FAR this years birthday dinner! celebrated 2 weeks after my birthday. we went to sakura because i asked for sushi. my mother didn't have to choose the most expensive sushi place in ellicott city, but she did. it was good, but when we got there, my mother told me i couldn't have sushi because it was "too expensive." and then chose a dinner special that was $22 for me as she chose one that was $26. i asked if i could just have $22 worth of sushi and it took a lot of across the table bargaining to convince her of it. so when alecks food came, i had to eat his for he doesn't eat anything that didn't walk before it touched his plate and i ate mine too. god, i felt fat! but later i was harassed for eating "the most expensive meal blahblahblah" and looking like a "lesbian." this was the best birthday!
i'd just like to know who's idea it was to have family gatherings on holidays like this. i'd like to know why i can't spend a holiday with a close friend or why we can't go to the park and have a nice picnic. i'd like to know why on christmas we're supposed to eat ham and on thanksgiving we're supposed to eat turkey. why do we have specific animals to sacrafice per holiday? i don't eat meat, does that mean i'm not worthy? whomever wrote these rules, please stand up.
